Over to you 2019!

After my last post I figured I might as well share some of my plans for 2019 with you.

My biggest goal during 2019 will be to maintain my mental health and to not work too much. I can get a bit “money blind”, even though I don’t earn loads, and take too many extra shifts just so that I can go out for dinner every week. I will instead try to budget and not waste so much money on spontaneous food shopping and restaurants.

Less extra work hours will also give me time to read and write more. I am supposed to have two days a week where I can spend hours doing just that. Instead I have prioritised shopping, laundry, youtube, and cleaning. I will slowly get out of this habit, and instead of watching youtube, as I eat my morning porridge, I will read and start my day with words.

Finally, I want to go to Barcelona. I miss Spain and Emil and I can’t believe that didn’t go and see him last year. It’s painful to think of. But I will be back soon, because I need sangria.

What are your goals for 2019?
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December.

Yes. YES.

It is December And I AM HERE FOR IT!
It’s been a while since I was this excited about December and Christmas. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t wait for colder weather, wooly hats, cinnamon scented candles, and Christmas shopping.
And today it’s only three weeks until Dennis and I are going “home” to Sweden to celebrate the beloved holiday.

So the next couple of weeks will be a mix of sorting out gifts, plan festive outfits, have mulled wine at the pub, pray for colder weather, and slowly go through my advent calendars.
Tomorrow (today? I just remembered it’s past 00) I will go up early, drink tea, watch the Swedish Christmas calendar and, finally, put on my Christmas playlist on Spotify. YES.

Who else is excited for the most beautiful time of the year? edit2

“You look great! Have you lost weight?”

It happened again, and this time I have to write it down.

I have been told, on numerous occasions, that I look great.
Lovely, I know. But, it is always followed by, “have you lost weight”, “you look slim”, or, “your face look thinner”. However, I know that I, on all of these occasions, haven’t lost any weight.
Can’t people just understand that I am hot and look great when they see me?

Hot or healthy, doesn’t have to be skinny or thin. People can look great just being themselves! We have to stop associate weight loss with good looks, and we need to start giving compliments without mentioning the other person’s weight. There is so much more to a person’s beauty than the amount of fat or muscles on their bodies, and these “compliments” are triggering.

I am glad that I am confident enough to not feel bad about it. I usually reply, “well I haven’t”, and they usually reply, “but I can tell”, and I say “well then it’s because of stress, which is not a healthy weight loss” (even though I know I haven’t lost any bloody weight). I try to call it out, to say that it’s because I feel well, or even that I have gained weight, because this needs to stop. The person that you “compliment” might have an eating disorder (which comes in EVERY shape and size), and your comment might start something they are trying to fight.
You can instead compliment someones skin, choice of dress, or confidence.

I am hot, and it’s not because of my weight.
But far from everyone are in this state of mind.

So stop commenting on people´s weight, unless they’ve explicitly asked for it. And, maybe even then, don’t?

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5 Things About Me.

I was thinking that I should do a little “get to know me” post. 5 things about me? I’ll give it a go, let me know if you like it.

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  1. I have always wanted to become a sport journalist. My family loves sport and it is a big part of our lives. My grandfather was an athlete, my dad has played football since he was little, and my mum used to work at a football club. We are the kind of family that sits, watching high jump, and clap along with the audience on site. This, and my love of writing, has lead me into this dream of becoming a sport journalist. Ideally, I’d write about football, but I have started to  more and more sports as the years have passed.
  2. I read way too little. I love reading, and getting hooked in a book is the biggest treat. When that happens, I don’t let it out of my hand. Unfortunately, the times I find myself hooked are rare and I miss being addicted to a story. I think the reason I read less frequently is the stress of university and the ticking bomb that is social media. I find it so easy to disappear into my phone that I forget about what I actually should be doing. I need the amazing Grace Latter to teach me how to read and do it effectively. However, now when I have finished uni I will find more time to read, and my reading list is long and lovely.
  3. I used to be a social butterfly. I really love people. I do. I love meeting new people, learn about different cultures, listen to peoples stories, and making people laugh. My main mission in London used to be ‘make as many people as happy as possible’. But I kind of forgot to make myself happy on the way.
    I used to attend every event, meet up with everyone sort of close to me, and I tried to maintain every relationship I ever made. With this mission came anxiety and I felt like I had to deliver; be the happy and funny one, all the time. In the end, I fell apart, and I got very ill.
    Now, I try to focus on my own mental health, and I try to not feel like I have to please everyone. I hate it sometimes. I feel like I’m missing out and I have had so much fun being out there, but I have learnt that I can’t keep that up if I want to stay sane.
  4. I’m a vegetarian. I must say I’m a shitty one though. I still eat fish, and I find it hard to turn down a meal that contains meat when I’m invited for dinner. Although, most cooking I do at home is plant based and I have tricked Dennis into enjoying dinners that are fully vegetarian or vegan. This world need to eat less meat and I’m encouraging anyone who are trying to reduce their meat intake. I have some great cookbooks that I can recommend!
  5. I have never been outside of Europe. I can’t wait to explore the world outside the European boarders, I have so many places I want to visit. I want to go to Brazil, to see Fernanda, eat the food, enjoy the weather, try to speak portuguese, and hang out with the beautiful people. I want to go and see my little Emma who lives in New Zealand. I want to go and see Hobbiton, and explore the landscape. I want to go to Russia, visit the Red Square in Moscow and tour St Petersburg. I want to go to Japan, to experience the chaotic order and the beautiful culture. I want to do it all.

A community of writers.

I started studying at University of Roehampton three years ago. I knew no one. I was (and still is) the annoying *I have an opinion* teachers pet, (yes I enjoy the company of teachers) and sometimes felt lonely.

I found my group of friends, uni buddies, and enjoyed it, even though I didn’t hung around much after class. But I soon realised the beauty of a writing community; I could pretty much text anyone in my creative writing group and they would give me feedback on my writing. It was not at all the same in the journalism class, there it has been much more competitive, although I have my little group of journalism editors today.

In my creative writing group, there are so many ready to reach out a helping hand, and I appreciate that enormously. But funnily enough, I feel like I could reach out to any of my lectures as well. Yay, the loneliness has payed off! The same goes from writers I have gotten to know elsewhere, bloggers I admire or friends studying something similar.

This week has been a bit mad, I feel like I have been way behind with one of my assignments, and I have gotten the best support and feedback from both fellow students and lecturers. I messaged a friend of mine, who I haven’t actually hung out with at all, but always had good conversations with, and he got back to me straight away with great notes on my work.
I am so grateful for how everyone has helped me, and I think this is the best thing that has come out of university.

What I also love about this is that I would do the exact same thing. I love editing others work! I love taking someones work, add something or change something to make their words even greater. I can get a text saying ‘Hey, can you have look at this?’ and I’d let go of everything to do it, because it is so much fun. I love my community of writers, and it is expanding by the day.

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X Mags the Spot.

So, I must have mentioned this before, but this term I, and seven other Roehampton Students, have been creating a sex magazine.

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It has been amongst the toughest things I have ever done and my stress level has hit the roof. Our 24 pages magazine went to pint on Wednesday the 2nd, together with three other mags from our course, and after hours and hours in front of a computer and indesign we were done and we could send it to the printer. I cried. The exhaustion hit me then and there and I couldn’t hold it back, we had worked so hard.

A week later, Wednesday the 9th, we held a pitch to four experts from the industry (including Paula Akpan, Sagal Mohammed, Dominic Mills, and Laura Kelly Dunlop) to prove that our magazine deserved to win. But, I’m sad to say, we didn’t. But I am so proud of what we have done and how we finished, our pitch was great. We made everyone laugh and finished the term in the way we intended to, we made people talk, and we made people talk about sex.

Writing a sex magazine has been so inspiring and challenging. We have had to be very careful, there is a fine line between sex and porn in this industry, but we managed it very well.

Also, we had a erotic short story on the back of our magazine, written by me. It was quite odd to have some of my favourite lectures sitting there reading about a woman’s sexual fantasies that I had jotted down. But they liked it, and I am both proud and embarrassed. I asked one of them, shoutout to Chris, if he was blushing reading it, he said he didn’t and asked if I did, and yes, yes I did.

Thank you to my team, my wonderful hardworking team mates, who took care of me at the brink of breakdown, and to Alison who has helped us through this process.

And finally a MASSIVE congratulations to D_RT Magazine who won the pitch, you truly deserved it (shoutout to my girls Saskia and Ola, you are queens).

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The artwork is made by my wonderful and talented friend Diana Verba @verba_art and the pictures features members from X-Magazine and D_RT and the great Sagal and Paula.

Multitasking from hell.

As I am working my way through my last couple of month of university I am slightly panicking, but weirdly seem to have everything together?

I have just started my first post-university job as an editorial assistent at a content creating company called Eric, and it takes up most of my brain capacity at the moment. At the same time I am trying to finish all my assignments, produce X-Magazine, prepare for editing sessions of my short story, blog, and, you know, eat and sleep.

Luckily, this is something I want to do, and something that I want to be better at. I want to be brilliant.

I am looking towards the finish line, to when I have finished all my tasks, and to when I can solemnly focus on my career. But, until then, I am multicasting the shit out of this spring.

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STOCKHOLM

So I did this thing….

I trashed my ticket to London this weekend and took the opportunity to go to Stockholm. I came on Sunday, and will leave for London on Wednesday, and I have had the best time.
I have been spending time with my uncle, his wife, my cousins and their partners and of course little Linton; one of my cousins 1 year old WHO I ADORE! We spent the Sunday together, had Easter dinner, drank too much beer and wine, and played family games; we do love Pictionary!
Then I have been to a floorball game where I got to see an old friend of mine (whom I met in London 4 and a half years ago, he’s called Gustav), play against my local Kalmar team. Gustav’s team bloody smashed the Kalmar team, and it was amazing, it was intense, and it was so much fun.
I have missed watching floorball; it is a special feeling to sit there and feel everything, and to get swooped in with the other supporters.
After the game I was invited for dinner at Gustav’s house, and it was so lovely. We talked about floorball, the time that has passed, school, work and everything in between. His family are so into floorball that we kept talking about the game over and over, which I loved.
Today I’m enjoying the sunshine.

Now, always when I see people back in Sweden I am asked “So, what will happen next? Will you move back to Sweden?” and my answer has always been No.
I don’t really feel like I want to go back to Sweden, I am way too restless for the Swedish Lagom (Lagom means ‘Just enough’) and I want to travel and see more of the world.
But, if I were to move back to Sweden I would move to Stockholm.

Stockholm feels like home, although I have not actually lived here. We moved down to Öland when I was six, so I haven’t really experienced the Swedish capital properly. But I have so much family, and so many friends, living here and I wish I had the opportunity to spend more time with them and in this city.
I want to find the best coffee in Stockholm, I want to go and see all the football derbys, I want to live the quality life I know exist in Sweden, but maybe not just yet…

I am not quite done with London and the hectic, crazy, wonderful life I have there, but I can’t deny that Stockholm is an intriguing thought. I will continue to say No to Sweden for a while longer though, but when I feel a bit more Lagom I will start considering moving back to where it all started.

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X-MAG

There’s is a lot of exciting things going on at the moment. One of my projects this term is to create a magazine, and we are creating a magazine about sex. Our team is trying to create a safe space for conversation about sex and everything around it. Everything from erotica, to porn, to asexuality and swingers and we want to do it in a inviting, body positive and inclusive way. Please join our conversation!

We have just launched our Instagram and I cannot wait to show you the rest. Check us out at: x-mxgazine at Instagram, you wont regret it.
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How to Adult – Weekly Shooping

The thought of it is not actually intimidating. I like the list making, the planning, the read through a brand new cookbook or the saved Tasty recipes on my Facebook. I feel responsible and very much like an adult (which is something I have been avoiding feeling like since always). I plan for both breakfast and dinner, the meals in between are a bit more fluid, and I make sure there’s enough room in the fridge for what is suppose to fit in there. I go through the list with my partner, to make sure that if he complain later this week he cannot blame me.

The walk there is fine (although it’s pouring and we have to avoid the big streets where we might be showered by trucks) and we brought three bags from home: Stop the unnecessary plastic waste people! It takes around 15 minutes to get there and it feels good to have a big supermarket nearby.
We arrive to the shop, a big Tesco, and I am thrilled with the selection within. Bring me the veg!

We walk around and start picking stuff to put in our trolley. Yup, another adult thing: you buy so much that you need a basket with wheels. As we go and Dennis pick out his meat he says ‘This is why I don’t like weekly shopping, everything is about to expire?’ Sure enough, on every package of chicken, mushroom, broccoli and the rest, the expire date is in like two days. I guess we just have to hope it’s an exaggeration?
We continue and quickly go through my list, which I brought, another adult point right there. We make sure the coffee is up to my Swedish standard and go for one called Fika and we make sure that the vodka is up to Dennis standards and buy one called Absolut.

We make our purchase, use all our brought bags, and head home through the rain. I feel very happy with how smooth it all went down and with how organised I’d been.
We get home, wet but satisfied, and start unpacking. It all fit in!
Now, you must wonder if we forgot anything? Of course we did. We have no conditioner, no laundry liquid, I need painkillers and tampons, and we don’t have any oil. I think there will be a few trips to our local little supermarket throughout the week… if not for oil, then for wine.