I pride myself with the fact that I haven’t changed. I have said, ever since I moved to London, that I knew that if I stayed true to myself, and who I was growing up, I would come out stronger and happier. And I did. I feel strong and I feel happy. Most of the time of course, I am still human. But lately I have thought about how much I actually HAVE changed, and how weird it feels to discover that.
Let’s start with what hasn’t changed. I have the same values and morals that I had when I was younger; they might not have been as strong, but they were there. I was loud, I still am. I thought of myself as an interesting person, which I still do. I read a lot, I read a lot. I was kind to other people, and I still see myself as a kind person. I have never been afraid of talking to new people, and I love socialising.
Pretty nice right? Values, morals, staying true to myself. Great, but what has changed?
Let’s start with love, and how I used to be the most hopeless romantic. I believed in true love, the rom com version of life, romance all over the place, and good guys. I believed in good guys! Wow that has changed, London did that for me. The amount of men that have proved me wrong. I was so wrong. Men are bad. (Of course not all men, can we please skip that bit?) I have long ago stopped believing in true love and that ass holes can change.
And whilst we talk about love we can talk about those rom coms that I believed was true. I used to love them. And I talked about guys like they were guys from movies. You know the stories our friends tell us about how men are treating them badly? Like, not answering texts, flirting with other girls, only contacting when they felt like it? Yeah, I used to be the friend who said stuff like “He might just be busy”, “No he wasn’t flirting with her”, “I bet he’s asleep, doesn’t he do floorball today”. Today I would have been like “Babes, fuck him, he’s not good enough for you.”
Any love story, I would swallow it whole.
Music next. I guess that changes for everyone? Well, my music taste has changed in an odd way. I didn’t have a taste growing up, especially not during the time you were supposed to have a taste in music. Spice Girls were my queens, and I bought Aquas new album twice, but after that, when I was around 12 and up, I didn’t care and I didn’t know what music I listened to. I listened to what my friends listened to, and to the radio. I didn’t have an emo phase, I didn’t properly listen to pop, I was nothing.
But then One Tree Hill came into my life. The already epic TV show has the most amazing soundtrack and my introduction to indie rock started. One of my favourite songs were The Mixed Tape by Jack’s Mannequin, and I started living for Jimmy Eat World.
Nowadays I listen to my indie pop/rock, but also pop, 80’s rock, and the mainstream lullabies. I might not have a special taste yet, but at least I am listening.
Makeup. Not the normal story though, not different styles and extremes mixed with lows and too much blue eye shadow. I wanted to wear makeup, because my friend’s told me I should. My parents told me I shouldn’t, and of course I listened to my friends. Then followed a long period of not caring about make up at all, I think I rarely wore it. I just did it when I “had to” and never felt like it would be something that I would like doing.
Then I moved to London and got obsessed with eyeliner and my wings. Good years. Whilst now, I bloody love it. I am still not good at makeup (except for my eyeliner, it always rock), but I do enjoy it and I have an interest in how to do makeup and what brands to use. 18 year old Hanna would be like, “Who are you?”
Who can relate? Who else found their true music taste in One Tree Hill or some other TV show? Who else used to believe in love and stopped? And who did not believe and now do?